lost in the ether

There’s something spectacular about denial. It soothes the mind in times of stress, allows us to disassociate ourselves from the inconvenient truth of a matter or situation and it keeps all of our emotions ever so neatly wrapped up (or perhaps cleverly disguises the catastrophe?). Whatever the case may be, denial is the brains most tremendous resource. I think?

Can I posses it,  buy it or earn it somehow and if so how can I learn to master it?

I am in denial, about so many many aspects of my life as they stand today- denial has become burdensome for me, and the pain of it is like a seething wretched animal thats caught the scent of blood and hunts for my being in the utter darkness.

Yes, with denial comes shadows and bumps in the night. That hammer I picked up to drive the nails in to that coffin was in fact a swiss army knife of terrible and unmanageable machinery, of which I own no instructions manual for and of which there stands no master behind me to guide my course.

Do I reach swift in to my quiver full of nonsense hoping to drag out at least one straight arrow to shoot back at the denial thats slept so soundly with me night after night?

Or do I stand there and face the creature that creeps the trail?

Neither choice is correct, neither may lead to the path of enlightenment or content, but its clear a choice must be made. My own terrible demise ligers in the ether, I am now truely lost

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